I laid down last week to take a nap with Ayla. As I laid next to her, feelings of joy and complete contentment just washed over me. She was really there next to me. She looked so peaceful and I was, and still am, completely and totally in love with her- my daughter.
We are not new to adoption and I can honestly say that those "love" feelings did not always come so easy with our past 2 adoptions...all of which is completely normal. This time around it all has been so different. I could not help but think about how God really lead and took care of us, and how many generous people had been a part of our "story". It is so amazing, really. I also thought about all the hours I had laid in that very same bed, tossing and turning, worrying and praying for peace, for money, for Ayla's health. All the times I was scared. So many times the "What If's" had consumed me. What if we do not raise enough money to bring her home? What if she dies? What if I could not do "this"- parent this many kids, meet Ayla's needs, provide and love them all? What if "they" were right? What if 6 was too many? So many had cautioned us, and asked us to really think this through -which we did. We heard words like microcephaly, failure to thrive, "retarded" (a term that I HATE) and un-adoptable. All the time God was working and asking me to trust. He was graciously providing peace when I doubted the most. He was using so many of you reading to meet every. single. need. that we had. And, even though I failed to trust completely, our girl is here and all the "What Ifs" had vanished completely. She is so beautiful and just simply amazing. She is pure joy.
Saying "thank you" to those that have helped us bring Ayla home does not seem like enough...really it isn't enough. To everyone that has helped us in some way, whether you helped with one or 10 of our fund-raisers, prayed, emailed, called, offered support, listened, shared our story, donated funds or helped with paperwork...it mattered. Everything mattered. You made a difference. You have been a part of something so big - you have been a part of a miracle. Thank you from the very bottoms of our hearts. Ayla would not be home without our God and the love and support of everyone who cared.
Thank you for blessing us and for being a part of our story. We will never forget your generosity.