Getting ready to carve pumpkins
I remember a couple months ago, Joel and I and were riding in the car. I do not remember where we were going or what we were exactly talking about, but Joel look at me and said, "he doesn't look Asian to me anymore" -referring to Dane. I laughed. I think at that moment we had felt like we had kind of turned a corner. We no longer saw Dane as just being Asian but also as our son (Please don't take that statement wrong - it is really hard to explain). We love all of our kids equally and we will NEVER deny the fact that Dane came from Korea or his right to learn about his birth place, etc. But at that moment he was just our son and that was it. Having kids is hard. Being a mom is hard. Adoption is hard- there are so many emotions. And for me, when Dane was finally home my emotions were rushing all over the place. And if I am honest there where moments that I was not so sure we had made the right choice. It was hard to see Dane as 100% my son when all I felt was emotionally exhausted. In the car we had finally came to a point where the emotions were not quite so raw and we were able to enjoy our family as it was without emotions clouding everything. And for us it was a great thing!
For our family adoption has been an amazing, life changing experience. And we did make the right choice! Several people have told us how lucky Dane is (which bothers me but that's another post). I could not disagree more! We are the lucky ones!! We are the ones who have been blessed by him being home and a part of our family!! Dane is an amazing little guy, as are all of our kids. Although there have been some really rough days since Dane has been home and even though we have struggled (sometimes) with adjusting, I would do it all 100 times over. I know Joel still has a hard time looking back at our pictures of Korea, re-living those moments is still emotionally hard for him, he would say the same - it was the right choice for us and our family. God has blessed us beyond words through our experience adopting Dane.