"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God who weighs our hearts & keeps our souls, knows what we know, & holds us responsible to act." ~Proverbs 24:12
Monday, July 18, 2011
~First Family Day~
One year ago, half way around the world, on July 14, 2010 a precious little boy was placed in my arms. My heart was exploding with so much joy yet at the same time breaking into a million pieces. I did not know that I could be so happy yet so incrediblysad at the same time. I never realized a day could be so bittersweet...it is so hard to put into words. When I think about that day, I can still feel the excitement, the anxiety, the fear. I could not believe I was standing there- on the side of a busy, crowded street holding my beautiful son for the first time. What an honor it was to be his mommy. It felt so good to be his mommy, but at the same time he had to give up everything to be my son. You could see the pain and emptiness in his eyes. You could hear the sadness in his cries. I would have done anything to take his heartache away.
It has been a long but wonderful year. We have had many ups and downs. We all were tried and stretched like I never thought we would have been. We have celebrated every single milestone no matter how small it was. We have grown as a family. We are changed (for the better). We took the good with the bad because with out the bad we would not have realized how far we have come as a family - how far Dane has really come. We discovered that beneath the grief was an amazing little boy! He really has overcome so much. I love, love, love being his mommy! My heart explodes with so much pride when I see him growing and becoming more comfortable and confident. I love how he smiles so much now. I love his infectious and big, deep belly laugh. I love his little personality and all his spunk. I love that he puts rocks in his pockets and squishes bugs. I love the fact that he enjoys being a little boy now. And I love the fact that I am his mommy!
We could not let our first family day go by without a little celebration. I made Korean Chicken for dinner. I am not much of a cook but I have to say it really hit the spot and we all loved it!
We ended the night with cake and a prayer for his birth parents. We lit 2 candles on the cake - one for his birth mom and one for his birth dad. They are such special people and we think of them everyday - they are such an important part of our son's story. We pray that they will know we think of them often. We pray too, that they will find the peace they need as they live everyday without their sweet son.
I just can't believe that one year ago we were walking the streets of Seoul. We miss Seoul so much. I would do just about anything to right now to be able to walk those crowded streets, to hear the unfamiliar sounds, to smell the street food and see all of the tiny shops. I left a part of my heart in Korea. I never thought I would fall in love with a place like I did with Korea. Maybe it is because that is my son's first home? Maybe it is because of the people or maybe it is because of the precious gift Korea has given us? We will go back someday for sure and I can not wait.
Happy 1st Family Day my sweet boy! It has been an amazing first year with you! Happy family Day to the rest of my beautiful children too!
"Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you... For I am the Lord your God..