My heart hurts for your son...

On Sunday we were invited to go to lunch with Joel's parents. The restaurant was packed. We were seated next to an older couple. The gentleman kept looking at Dane and I wasn't sure how to take it. Did he think Dane was cute, was he trying to figure out our family....I almost wanted to say something to him, but I wasn't even sure what to say. There is one thing that I learned when we became a multicultural family - you tend to stand out, people will remember us, well at least remember Dane.

We finished our lunch as the same time as the elderly couple next to us and we got up to pay and leave at the same time. The gentleman then started to talk and smile at Dane. He then me asked about our family, he wondered if they were all ours and I joyfully said, "Yes, and we have one more sweetie waiting for us in China!" He then got really quiet and stepped closer. His hands started to shake and he said, "My heart hurts for your son... I was adopted too, I was 2 and a 1/2." We were then interrupted by the waitress. I could tell that he truly felt the pain of adoption. I could see it on his face. I wish he would have finished telling me his life story. As we were putting on our coats I told him that I hope and pray that I can be a good mother to my son and that I felt like Dane deserved so much more than I could give him. I told him that my heart hurts for my son too. He then asked me if we took him to church, and again I said, "Yes." This time though, it was much more somber. He replied by telling me that taking my son to church was the best thing I could do for him and he also wanted to make sure that I told my son that Jesus loved him.

Wow. A simple lunch turned into something much more.

I know when I look at my son that life has not been fair to him. That the circumstances of his life are very sad. The reasons he is a part of our family, as much as a blessing he is to me and our family,  are incredibly sad. I know that I can never take that pain away no matter how hard I try. I am reminded of that everyday. Dane struggles emotionally. Life is hard for him...he struggles everyday. It breaks this mama's heart. And yes, someday it is hard. I feel like I have failed him miserably. Some days I see the progress he has made and life is good. I wish love could fix everything. I wish my love was enough. Wouldn't life be easier if our love could fix...if our love was enough??

That gentleman in the restaurant was right though. Telling Dane about Jesus is the best thing I can do. I can't take Dane's pain away. But we serve a God that can. Our God is bigger than any problem or pain that we have. Our God's love can fix it all....His love is enough.  I am so thankful that I serve a God that can fill in all the "gaps" that I miss with my Dane. I am thankful I serve a God whose love is enough! God knew what He was doing when He placed Dane in our lives.

    Psalm 34: 17-20 

¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
¹⁸ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
²⁰ he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.