It has been a hard couple days for me. It has been really "quiet" on the adoption front. I do know that "no news is good news". But somehow that does not bring me much comfort. I had been in regular contact with our agency for the past 7 months. It seemed we were always waiting and rushing around to get paperwork completed and sent here or there. I was constantly emailing our agency questions and updates on paperwork. We got the email that we had been logged in on Feb. 6th and now nothing but silence. During that "paperchase" I was busy; I felt like I was doing something to help bring my daughter home. Now it is totally out of my hands. We are waiting to hear from China and all we hear is quiet (which is normal at this point). I have to admit that my mind starts to "wander" in the quiet moments. I start to worry about the money we still need. I look at Aliyah's picture and long to hold her. I miss her so very much. The thought of her laying in a crib, without a mattress, on a bamboo type mat breaks my heart. I wonder if someone is playing with her. I wonder if someone is loving on her. I wonder if someone is holding her and hugging her. I wonder if she is healthy. I wonder what her personality is like. I love her and want the very best for her. But I have to wait. And that is so hard even on the good days.
I pray everyday that God will whisper in her ear that she is special and that she is loved. I pray that God will keep her healthy and specifically protect her ears from infection. I pray that God will prepare her heart to join our family. And I selfishly pray that our journey to her will be short. At this point it could be anywhere from 4 - 7 months yet before we travel and that seems so far away. We are wishing for an update. We have been blessed to have received 4 pictures, but we really want to know about her and how she is doing.
Today God has reminded me that He is with me. We knew going into this that it would be a long, hard road. We knew that God would see us through the valleys and celebrate with us on our good days. Today I made a deposit of $3151 into our adoption account. Most of that came in in a 2 week time frame. It is nothing short of a miracle!! We are so blessed! When we started we needed $20,000...yikes. But we knew this is the journey we needed to take. We knew God would provide every single thing we needed. And now we only need $8500 more. And to us $8500 is a lot, but considering where we started it is amazing! We also received a card in the mail from a "secret" friend encouraging us and reminding us that she is praying for us. It was just what we needed. We also got a check for $20, from another friend, for our Hats of Love fundraiser. We are thanking God for the physical reminder that He is in control.
God never promised our journey would be easy. But He did promise He would give us rest:
Matt. 11:28~ Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest
Today I felt like He was telling me to rest, my mind specifically. He reminded me that He has our funding all ready planned. He was reminding me, through the card and check, that He is walking with me and that He will provide. He has our daughter in His arms and there is no better place for her to be. I need to rest during this quiet time.
When I think about it, if we did not love and miss Aliyah so very much I do not think we would have the strength to endure the process and wait. If we did not care or love her, we would not wait. The longer we wait the more ready we become to have her home; the more ready we become to face the really tough adjustment period.
So, even though we are struggling God is moving the financial mountains and bringing us rest. He never promised easy. But He did promise rest. God is so good.
I have been humming this song by Karrie Jobe most of the day and it is lifting my spirits a bit. Specifically this line: "Be still my soul be still..."