Sorry, this post is a bit of a downer. It is a bit of a vent.
We began this adoption journey feeling a bit more prepared. We felt like we we would handle the waiting better because we knew what it felt like and we knew how it felt to wait; we knew how emotional this journey would be, we knew that it would be "the highest of highs" and the "lowest of lows."
Well, we were TOTALLY WRONG!! The waiting seems to be worse. We know now what is on the other end of all this waiting- a beautiful child, our beautiful child.
No matter where you are in the adoption process the waiting really stinks!! It honestly does not seem fair. I really do not understand what takes so long. I know there is lots of paperwork and it needs to be done "right". We have been waiting on a few things more recently and I feel like I cannot wait a second longer! But somehow I do.We have been waiting on our approval to bring a foreign child into the US for 29 days now. I made a phone call today and was told to expect another 60 day wait!! I almost lost it. We have to have this approval in all of our paperwork (Dossier) that goes to China. We have also been waiting on a pre-approval from China for 8 days. Some have waited 7 days. Of course I start to think something is wrong because we are waiting longer than the norm and then I start to think of course we have to wait longer (as if I deserve a shorter wait). And now it is closing in on Friday and fear I will have to wait the weekend out. I don't have a choice but to wait. I just hate the way it makes me feel. And to know that there are several more months like this makes me want to cry. I know we signed up for this but this whole process is frustrating at times. The paperwork, the fingerprinting, the approvals, our government...it drives me bonkers sometimes. They say jump and we do! Of course we do! I need to just get. over. it. All of this IS part of the process. Me getting mad and frustrated does not hurry this process along...it just makes me feel worse. Why is waiting so hard?! Why can't I just let go and wait patiently without whining?
So, this afternoon, I have decided to be the best "waiter" I can be. I just need to let it all go; I am going to try really hard. I can't control any part of this process (except my paperwork). I need to trust that God knows what He is doing and that He truly has my best interest and our future child's intrest in mind too. I am taking a deep breath and I am going to hold onto the promise that tomorrow is one day closer to where we desire to be. Even if we do not hear any news we hoped for we are still one day closer.
In the song "Something Beautiful" by NeedToBreathe there is a line in the chorus that is helping me get through : 'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful... You can listen to the song by clicking on the link below. We do feel the the water rising and the waves crashing but we are holding tight to the promise of something beautiful at the end of all of this.